Single in Boston

2006-04-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

Booty Call Dilema...

It's come to my attention that while many things can be scheduled a booty call isn't one of them. For example making an appointment to go to the dentist or to go on a date with someone are normal things to do, but does anyone ever set up an appointment to have sex? Perhaps the reason why booty calls are done on a whim is the excitement of the doing something at the spur of the moment.

For the longest time I've been getting calls from a one "Monsieur" asking me to sleep over and the timing has never been right, forget the fact that I have not found myself in a position vulnerable enough to warrant any desire for meaningless sex with a one time acquaintance. I feel that if i'm going to have a booty call, I should feel as excited about getting that call as the person making it. I have not found myself in such a mood yet. For all I know ,it may never come at all.

This has made me think, "have I lost any remaining form of feeling sexual or otherwise? " At my age the probability of my being virgo intacta virgo intacta are as high as my getting married tomorrow, so we'll rule out the idea that am saving myself for a respectable gentleman on my impeding wedding night.

I need to make peace with Arphrodite. To get back my sexual desire at least even if I'll have to wait for someone I really like to act on it!

2006-03-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

Marriage Proposal

I was on a date with a tall handsome black guy. He was well mannered, polite and the date was going great. I couldn't help but wonder how such a 'perfect' guy could be single. Just as I was about to ask him that "cliche" question he begged me not to leave him,ever.

I remember being very flattered considering it was just the first date. Then I asked him what he was so afraid of since he had a lot going for him. He told me he was desperate to get married and that he had to get married or his parents would disown him. At that point he got on his knees and asked me to marry him.

I was disappointed that he wasn't asking me to get married because he thought I was a great person. He was only asking because he had to marry someone. I knew the right thing to do was to turn down the proposal but I secretly didn't want to let this handsome guy slip away just like that. My head was thinking, "You're never going to find someone that great who'll ask you to marry them that fast."

However, the better part of me declined the proposal and when I saw him a week later. He was with some short, ugly and sick looking girl who I mistook for a relative or friend. When I asked him who it was, he introduced her as his wife and said, "I had to marry someone" . His parents stood by his side with a smile on their face. He wasn't smiling.

My phone rang and I woke up. I realised it was just a dream after all. I know its silly but I can't help but wonder if the handsome guy in my dream actually exists in real life ! Maybe I should be thinking about what this dream is trying to tell me.

2006-03-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

Single Status Update

My idea of fun lately has been hanging around my girlfriends and dancing till the club shuts down and then going home alone sans any phone numbers. Last Saturday was no different. Save for the part where a friend of mine stopped to introduce me to two of the most boring looking men I've ever encountered!

Don't get me wrong. They weren't ugly but they weren't cute either. They were just "blah". I don't know if that's even an adjective but it explains the feeling I had while I was shaking their hands. Needless to say I don't recall any of their names but one of them seemed to have taken a fancy to me as he kept on smiling at me.

My mind was fixated on his protruding stomach and thinking ," why is he even talking to me when I'd rather be dancing to Shakira's "hips don't lie" ? He must have read my mind because he crawled away to a corner and I thought I'd seen the last of him. Boy was I wrong! He tried to grind against me with his protruding stomach everytime he saw me dancing. I ended up changing rooms!

There are some nights when I'll be happy to get any attention from just any guy who is average looking. This wasn't one of those nights. I was concentrating on dancing to every song I liked and this night they played many of those songs where you don't want anyone to interrupt you unless ofcourse he comes with the body and face of Blair Underwood and his best friend makes Denzel washington look like a joke.

Of course there were no Denzels or Blair Underwoods. Infact Boston seems to have the likes of Danny Devito and Jerry Seinfeld at best. What's scary is that most of my friends look up to me and call me to find out what's new on the dating scene. This is a consolation in itself as it reaffirms that at 28 i'm not the only single woman on planet earth.

When I recollect how I made the transition from 'happily single' to 'scared single' I can't help but blame it on T.V and the other part on society itself. 'Sex and the City' or 'Number 1 single" are just a couple of shows that depict women of 35 years or older looking desperately for men. This triggers the "I don't want to be that woman" factor. The truth of the matter is I'm scared of marriage and with school looming at the back of my mind, I can't see where a boyfriend would fit in this picture.

Yet I still think it's "the right thing" to do.

Single status update ? You guessed right- still single!

2006-02-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

MUM I'M TRYING I REALLY AM !

If it wasn't for the profanity and the fact that my confessions here are contrary to how my parents raised me, I'd let my parents read this blog so that they'd know how much I've tried to find a guy. I don't think my father is bothered by the fact that I'm single as much as my mum was. I say 'was' because she already gave up on me.

Her advise to me earlier on when her hopes were high was ,"Find a muslim man". I used to date now and then and when I told her I was seeing someone, she'd always ask ,"Is he muslim ?" Later when she realised how long it took me to jump from one date to another she'd say "If he's not muslim we'll persuade him to convert."

Now she's just happy to hear that I'm dating anyone regardless of skin colour or religious affiliation. I love my mum, I really do however, I'm secretly happy she's sort of given up on me ever finding a guy because no one knows what it's like to have her on your back. Thanks mum...maybe one day I'll surprise you with a tall muslim man. Insha' Allah (God willing)

You may not believe what advise my mum gave me next...please keep in mind that this is a loving African woman who has her daughter's best interest at heart. "You should not tell men you're a lawyer. Infact act dumb if they speak to you. Men always want to think they are smarter than women"

That's a dating tip my mom has advised me to use because she thinks I'm too smart for my own good and too argumentative. She's right on the last part. After all we only had about twenty arguments a day about the silliest things. Unlike I prefer to use the term 'debate' .

I hate dumb conversation. Especially if that dumb conversation is with a guy I'm getting to know. I love to be silly. God knows, I was the class clown in every academic year. However every now and then I think it's quite stimulating to have an intellectual conversation.

I'm not asking for much if I'm talking about general stuff that was in the news. I'm not asking you to name the chief of my village or tell me what HIV is in full. Even though knowing the later would impress me for multiple reasons I don't care to mention.

So I'm at the end of this post and am wondering what was the aim of this post again? Hmmm...don't really know but I'm missing my mum so I'm going to call her right now.

2006-02-14T14:42:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day !

It's Valentines day otherwise known as Vagina day.I say this only to see how you'll react but more so because I believe most people give it up on this day internationally more than any other day. I could be wrong but who cares I just want to sound gross for no particular reason at all.

Most people are excitedly waiting for their dates to pick them up. Those in long term relationships are wondering whether this is the day he'll propose....aah to be in love. I don't even know what that means anymore.

I on the other hand have marked the seventh year of not having a valentine's date since I started dating way back in Africa(when I was 20). Technically it is eight years because the first valentines "date" I had was when I was twenty and my best friend (who I had a huge crush on at the time) asked me out an hour before the date. He spent the entire night drooling over my best friend ,therefore anyone with a spark of dignity in their blood stream wouldn't count that as date but we're talking about me here and I'll be dammed if you take away that little joy of my first valentine's day also known as 'what-the hell-was-I-thinking-dating-that-guy".

I woke up knowing that I have a deadline on a subject matter I have no business dealing with. You see, my boss thinks I'm a good writer. She came to that conclusion after reading another blog of mine(trust me,it wasn't this blog). So she came up with the "bright" idea that I should write the company's business plan and gave me two days. Problem is I didn't know most, if not all of the business terminlogy and I have until this evening to come up with a comprehensible business plan, devoid of any legal terminology and swear words (those two are what am good at).

Well I hope everyone is enjoying their valentine's day. For me it will be the day I got stuck with writing a freakin' business plan.

2006-02-13T15:53:00.000-08:00

Love Postponed

I haven't been on another date since last week. My priorities seem to have changed. I promise to take it easy on the dating scene (not that I have any other choice) and hope that with the coming of spring, my luck will change.I have decided to concentrate on applying for my masters degree outside the country and as of late I have been busy writing my C.V (resume) and personal statement and tracking down references for recommendations. Sometime in May I will know my fate as to whether or not I got admitted for the Master programme in International Human Rights Law in Sweden.

At the moment, getting admitted to this university is more important to me than finding a boyfriend. Chances are I would not get past the first date with the guy yet I would bust my ass in this programme to earn that degree. Yes dear readers,if luck is on my side you may see me arguing cases against humanity and putting the likes of Saddam Hussein behind bars.

And you thought lawyers weren't human!

2006-02-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

I guess spoke too soon!

I went out on my date on Friday. I had been looking forward to this date more than ever because the guy was smart, cute and funny. He called to tell me he'd be a half hour late because his meeting ended late. Not wanting to let this ruin my night I said no problem. When he picked me up, he looked great. He was a inch or two shorter than me but I wasn't going to let that shallow part of the "old me" take over.

We walked to the salsa place and he realised he didn't have any cash but just his credit card. He wanted to walk and find an ATM but it was cold and I didn't wnt to wait outside or walk with him to find the ATM so I opted to pay.

He felt a little uneasy and offered to pay me back. When we got inside he realised that we'd have to get drinks and he insisted that he should go get money but I wouldn't hear of it so I bought the drinks. We had a great time and he drove me home.

He told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago and wasn't sure what he wanted. He then asked me, " Are we friends or are we dating?"

I was dumbfounded. I hardly knew him. Granted I had had a a couple of laughs but that didn't mean we were going to have the "relationship" talk that fast.
Wait a minute- isn't that the most dread question that girls ask guys after a couple of weeks of dating ?

On the drive home he told me he had four roomates, that he was struggling and was going to sell his car. I also learnt that one of his close friends is a girl who hates me (but he doesn't know that). What were the odds of us having a "friend" in common? More so one who doesn't like me?

Despite all this I had a nice time because I appreciated his honesty. We've talked on the phone but nothing flirtatious. He says he wants to pay me back for the money i spent on the first date even though I told him to forget about it.

What do you know? I'm back to square one! I'm like the dumb girl who won't graduate from dating course 101. My dates never seem to go anywhere. We either become friends or we never talk again.

2006-01-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

It's raining Men

To my dear readers, this is the longest I've gone without writing. For those of you who have been following my crappy love life, you may have presumed right- I had just about given up on ever finding a guy. However, before you all jump with joy thinking I've found 'the one', I want to clarify that I haven't (and if you actually thought I did, then I am disappointed that you haven't realised how pathetic my love life is that I actually have to have a blog dedicated to that issue). But I'm back in the game (or so i think) for I have so many dates lined up that I may actually need an assistant just to keep up with them.

It all started on Friday at a Fashion show I had just done. A cute guy walked up to me and we started dancing. I must say he was quite taken by me. Unfortunately he lives more than three hours away and I don't think a long distance relationship is something I'm looking for after along spell of not dating.

On monday I went out on a date with a guy I'd been talking to online. He'd described himself as obese and I was reluctant to meet him but I thought, it's this kind of shallow thinking that has left me relationship-less for along time. So meet him i did and boy was i surprised! Not only was he well dressed, he was fit and in shape which took me by surprise. We had a drink and talked a little and a second date is in the works for saturday.

This Friday I will be going out with another cute guy. I met him online too but this isn't one of those dating sites. It's a community site with postings of upcoming events in the area. Let's just say we started to write to each other and now we have plans for salsa this Friday.

I hope this streak of luck holds for a while otherwise I'll have nothing interesting to blog about. After all there's only so much time a girl can devote to whining about relationships or in my case the lack of them.

Watch this space!

2006-01-12T09:57:00.000-08:00

GOOD BYE!
My friend is leaving for New York today.He is shipping out for three months and I don't think this could have come at a better time. Sure I'll miss him but I'll hopefully move on from the drunken stupor I have been living in. I really thought what we had would grow into something.

I talked to him last night and it was as if our "friendship" meant nothing to him. He talked about how much he hated the U.S and that he'd like to move to South America. He said all his friends were either getting married or moving away and that he felt abondoned by them.
All I could think about was "I really mean nothing to this guy." He wasn't saying that he'd miss me.Why am I the girl guys run too when they need to talk or have a good laugh? Why can't I be the one they want to date?

I just wished I'd not given him my number the night I met him. I know that I wouldn't have enjoyed the time I spent with him but it would have been okay. The saying ,'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" doesn't make sense to me. Granted I didn't fall in love with 'my friend' however, I grew very fond of him and to me not having known him at all would have been much better than the feeling I have right now. But then again,this is the story of my life.

2006-01-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

MY 'Friend' Falls Sick!
My 'friend' was supposed to come by my house to pick up some c.ds and copy them for my work. He however changed his mind saying that it would take a long time and he wasn't feeling well. He'd developed some sort of cold. So I asked him to come to the house even though he was half way towards boston. I'd bought him food and something to drink thinking he'd be hungry when he stopped by.

He came back and he looked horrible. I felt guilty for having been stern with him on the phone when he said he wouldn't be able to copy the c.ds. He sat down and I felt his temperature. He had a fever and so I got a wet wash cloth and put it over his head. I had to do this several times because the wash cloth kept on getting warm from the high fever.

He rested his head on my shoulder and I stroked his hair. I wanted him to feel that he wasn't alone. He'd taken care of me when I was sick and alone on Thanksgiving day by bringing me a plate of food. To many that isn't much but to me it meant a lot.
I rubbed his feet and kissed him on the cheek and I could sense he was so comfortable because he was beginning to dose off.

He reluctantly got up because he had to move his car for my roomate to park and he decided to drive home. I called him a couple of minutes later to see whether he got home alright and he said he did. He thanked me for taking care of him and I said "I'd do anything for my sick boy".

2006-01-03T09:11:00.002-08:00

SUNDAY 1st jan 06 -Are We dating or not?
My 'friend' called me and we went to watch a movie. After that we went to his house and he made dinner. He said he had nice time with me and he wondered why we'd never hang out in a club before. I almost told him that's because all the time he said he was coming, he wouldn't show up. He said we should do this more often.
We went to bed and started to fool around. Then he said," we've been crossing the friendship line lately". We should decide whether we are friends or we're dating" . My heart sank. I knew he was right. Then he tapped me and said are you listening? I said yes but I don't want to talk about it. I feared that if we had that talk at that particular moment I'd get hurt and I'd want to go home immediately.
He said I was making him nervous with my silence and that I should say something.He said he'd never done the "friends with benefits" relationship and I told him that I had done it before and that I wouldn't want to do it again.

He said he didn't want to hurt me. I felt that if I chose the dating option,I'd be selfish...this guy was clearly not over his ex of two years and I'd be doing myself a disservice if I dated him. Plus I felt that he should want to date me because he feels a certain way about me and not because of a default groping or sexual encounter.I'd want a guy to be excited about me which I didn't feel that he was.I didn't want him to settle for me."I'm better than that", I thought to myself.

I kept quiet and he said solemnly," I like what we have here and I don't want to hurt you".
We didn't make a decision. I guess how we act after this will be define what we both want .

2006-01-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY NIGHT !!!

My 'friend' called me a couple of times asking me what I was going to do Friday night...if you've been following my blog,you'll realise this was the same day he'd come to my work to have lunch with me. I told him I was probably going to stay in.

However,later a couple of my friends asked me if I was going to do anything and I thought why not...maybe I should go out to GYPSY Bar. So I called my pal Dana and asked her if she'd go with me. She said yes and I had to figure a way to get to downtown Boston that didn't involve taking a $40 cab ride.

I called my 'friend' to let him know that I'd be going to GYPSY and he told me he'd give me a ride if I wanted to. I didn't even have to ask. I invited him to join Dana and I if he wanted and he hesitated. I wasn't in the mood to beg a grown man for his company so I asked him to drop me off.
Instead he drove to his house and asked myopinion on what he should wear.I was getting impatient. All I wanted was to get in the bar/club. We picked Dana up and went to said club albeit for a couple of minutes. We ended up at Saint.another popular hotspot.

My friend was flirting with me the entire time. Not so much with words but with body language.He was stroking me at every chance. He kept on feeding me with olives and at one time he asked me to close my eyes and he fed me with a cherry. I think part of this came from all the attention we were getting from other guys. He kept on saying how lucky he was to be amidst two beautiful girls.

At the end of the night we dropped Dana home and he was disappointed that he had to take me back to my house. He asked if he could come in and use the bathroom and I said yes. He grabbed me and kissed me.
I must say we must have kissed each other passionately stopping only for a couple of seconds just gasp for air. We must have done this at least three times in different parts of the room. Each time we'd stop and say good night and then we'd grab each other and go at it again. He led my had to his nether regions...I guess he wanted me to feel how hard he was and I must say he was pretty hard!

I told him he had to go because I had to work the next day and he must have been nervous or something because he shook my hand and said "good night".
I called him a few moments later and asked him about the dream again and he said it was "sexual". I could sense that he was a little uncomfortable. He asked me if he'd been rude to me because I'd 'kicked' him out of the house. I said he hadn't been rude but I had to work the next day. We said good night and I fell asleep.

2005-12-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

Lunch....
My friend called at the exact moment I was going to call him to ask to him if he could drop by my work since he was going to pickup his brother. He wanted to know what sub to get me and if it was okay to drop by with his brother and have lunch. I was more than glad because i hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks.

Funny enough my heart didn't skip as it usually does when I see someone I like. So that was a good thing since I have to keep reminding myself that I can't like him more than a friend.

He'd brought me a ham sandwich which I couldn't eat for religious reasons.I'd asked for a turkey sandwich but he must have forgotten...we chit chatted with his brother and he brought up his date. I jokingly told him I was happy he had a bad date and he laughed(ofcourse you and I know I meant it). "You don't want me to tell you about my dates?" he chided. I said no and he laughed. I pray to God he understands that I mean this.

He had called me earlier at around 11.00 a.m and had mentioned that he had a dream about me. He wouldn't say what the dream was about and despite my persistance he didn't want to tell me about it. He brought it up again and said he woke up with "hot sweat dripping" all over him. So I asked him whether it was a good dream and he said yes it was.

2005-12-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

My Friend's Date

Yesterday I went Salsa dancing since my 'friend'had postponed our movie night to Sunday. I had a great time and guys were asking me to dance one after the other.Wht struck me was their patience at teaching me since it was my first time salsa dancing.Well I was catching my breath when I got a call from my 'friend' telling me he had a bad day. It was noisy in the club so I went to a less noisy place to find out what had ruined his day considering he had called me earlier and he seemed happy.
When I asked him what the matter was he said he'd had a bad date and not a bad day as I'd previously misheard. I didn't know what to say...so I stammered.."date? When did you go on a date? You never told me you were going on date?" I can't explain whether it was panic or stupidity that made me ask him that but I snapped back to my senses realising that I wasn't dating him and therefore had no right to ask when or whom he dates.I just couldn't help but feel upset that he had cancelled our movie night for a date. Yes ....I know this sounds pathetic...but somehow you can't control the way you feel about someone.I must say am trying .At least I didn't stay home when he cancelled the movie.

So I asked him how it was and he said it was horrible.I laughed. I didn't laugh because it was horrible but I laughed at the way he described how HORRIBLE it was...
In my mind I was thinking this is it. He is dating now and as a FRIEND am expected to hear the gory details. I hope he doesn't ask me for advise when he meets a girl he actually likes because I'm terrified of what I might say.
I bid him goodbye and promised to call im later when I got home.

I went back to my merenge and Bachata and it was amazing.I just wished I had an inkling of attraction for the guys I was dancing with.

I went home and pondered on whether my friendship with this guy was healthy....I mean I'm there whenever he needs someone to talk to. Sometimes this leaves me a little drained because of the negative energy of constantly having to cheer him up. When he is happy he makes all these promises to me he doesn't live up to and now I'm supposed to cheer him on in his love life when I have none? when we do hang out we enjoy each other's company and he tell me this everytime which makes it worthwhile.But now i can't help but feel that my life is being sucked out of me.

Jason this one is for you...what do I do? Do I end the friendship or ask him not to tell me about his dates.Won't he think I like him if he knows i don't want to hear about his dates?

2005-12-29T14:32:00.000-08:00

HMMMMMMMMMM!

It's been raining all day and I'd mentioned that tonight I was supposed to see a movie with my friend. He postponed it to Sunday so I'll be going for a Salsa lesson instead. I'm currently perusing through Dr. Phil's Love Smart and I must confess am not any smarter.
It seems that most books say men like mystery or women who play hard to get.I guess that must be true but in my case if I show signs of disinterest in a guy,it is because am actually not interested and therefore am not playing hard to get. I guess that's where my "problem" is. If I like a guy and a guy tells me he likes me, I don't play games with them.Why do I have to resort to manipulating and scheming to emphasise how much I like a guy? Oh boy ,dating really is hard!

2005-12-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

MOVING ON!!!

The decision to move on is probably the best I've made in a long time .I realised it more yesterday when my 'friend' thanked me for being there for him. You see of late he has come to rely on me to cheer him up when he is down. Even though I've been doing this more than as a friend,yesterday was the first time I was actually able to give him advise objectively.

I'm just a tad bit worried that he has become a little dependant on me for advise.I'm afraid that I may not be the best person judging from my own past mistakes. He is worried that if I go back home to Africa he'll have no one to talk to. Considering I wasn't thinking of leaving anytime soon,I assured him that he is stuck with me for a long time.I must admit that it feels good to be needed.

He calls me about 5 times a day and I've come to look at him as someone in need of real help I may not be able to provide. You see he is still heartbroken from a past relationship and I've actually began to appreciate to what depth this has affected him. Ofcourse it also makes me realise that moving on was the best thing i could give myself this christmas...and it doesn't hurt that much.Maybe because I can be there for him as a friend.

On Thursday we will go see MUNICH and I'll see him for the first time in two weeks since he went on vacation.There's no anticipatation at all. Previously my heart would pulpitate with excitement but now I'm only curious whether my heart will see him in the new light that my mind does... AS JUST A FRIEND.

2005-12-24T17:31:00.000-08:00

It's Christmass Eve and I'm a little down. I don't know whether it's the holiday blues (considering I don't celebrate Christmas)...or is it the fact that once again my poor heart is longing for someone beyond it's reach? I don't know what it is but I really like this guy and i can't tell him...
He calls me and tells me he misses me. Little does he know how I ponder over every thing he says. I know I need to get over this. I've been burnt a little too many times to play with fire. If this seems a little ambiguous to you my dear reader, it is meant to be. I can share my sexcapedes but my to share my emotions with you right now to the very last detail will leave me vulnerable. The best advise I can give to myself is to ignore everything I feel right now and move on....

2005-12-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

FRIEND WITH BENEFIT?!

Hi again! Now that I've gotten over the memory of being touched by man, I've come back to share with you my dear readers the woes and virtues of good sex without a boyfriend!
Don't do it! No I have no, regrets infact I can't believe this is what I was missing for so long.You see when you take a century without sex, you almost forget what it feels like.

While my sexcapede wasn't a one night stand since am semi friends with this person and the othere half of me is totally in lust with him, I wouldn't advise anyone to sleep with a "friend". If the sex is good like in my case, it leaves you craving for more (emotionally or physically) in my case it's more of physical lust even though I predict the emotional baggage isn't far since I get tinges of jealousy when this person talks about the oposite sex...hmm.

I know it's wise for me to jump out now. Infact I should knock myself on the head with this laptop and knock some sense into me. Instead I find myself googling and dreaming up ways of which to make this guy emotionally attracted to me.

What is WRONG with me? How do you follow the mind (which is wiser) and leave the heart (which is weak) ? After all don't people say "follow your heart"?

2005-12-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

I GOT LAID!!!!!

Okay here's the skinny..I haven't been blogging but the good news is I saved a bunch of money on my.....Naaahhhhhhhh I GOT LAID and it was GOOD ..no it was GREAT!!!!!! well i guess that makes up for all the silence .Please don't ask with whom it was because I'm not telling. I'm still smiling from the the great lay...!

2005-11-27T08:35:00.001-08:00

Was Mr.Smitten's Mercedes Vandalised Because of Me?

Just when I thought my friendship with Mr.Smith was going great and couldn't get any better, I got a phone call from him and there was something in his tone that sounded almost irate and rude. When I asked him if anything was the matter, he said his car had been vandalised. Someone had smashed the window and slashed all the tires. two weeks before,someone had keyed his car and he dismissed it as nothing. However, this time he thought it was personal but he seemed to be lashing at me.

He suspected that it was someone who liked me and was therefore taking it out on his car or that it was someone who was racist and hated to see black and white people together and was therefore taking it out on his car.I felt like he was blaming me and was angry at me so I hang up on him.I was furious that he would come up with such trite. I mean were people that racist that they would actually do this? And if so it made me mad because I thought he might want to end our friendship and there was nothing I could do about it since I can't change being black. I ruled out that it can't be anyone infatuated with me because I don't have any admirers that I know of.

Could it be someone he could have dated and pissed off ? Could it be a random act? He didn't think so.He said he'd lived there for four years and nothing of the sort had ever happened but since he started hanging out with me, all this has happened. There was the blame again. So I asked him if he'd still want to be friends if he determines that it's something racial and he angrily (though not convincingly) said he was not going to change his lifestyle just because of this person and that I wasn't the only person of colour he knew.

I wasn't convinced but there was nothing I could do. It just made me question why I should care so much that we remain friends. Shouldn't I be more understanding that his Mercedes had been vandalised and therefore should be accepting of any irrationality on his part?

Well he said good night and I pondered over all the possiblities of why someone would slash his car. What made me feel horrible was I knew deep inside , he blamed me.

2005-11-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

Alone and Sick on Thanksgiving- thanks!

Thanksgiving- Turkey ,Stuffing,Family.....! Right? Not for me at least. Thanksgiving for me was fever,bad cold, horrible cough and alone. Interrupted only by the constant throbbing of my head!!!!! Not one single phone call. Save for Mr.smitten who said he'd be dropping by.

Mr Smitten has become a great friend. I hadn't mentioned that we kept in touch because he isn't a romantic interest any more(remeber he wanted to be friends). Even when we have hang out and I've had the occasional sleepover, nothing has been out of line . Infact we've come to share our recent crushes or past beaus effortlessly and I've come to like that a lot.

I didn't think it was possible to be friends with someone I found attarctive and boyfriend potential but I guess I have made a friend after all.A friend I can rely on. I say that because since I've gotten sick(since Monday), he's made the effort to make the occasional phone call to find out how I am, made me laugh by playing stupid tricks and has asked me for style tips which in my opinion he doesn't need. We've even cooked together and he's told me he likes having me over at his house.

Today on thanksgiving, he came over for a few minutes to drop off a plate of food he'd saved for me and some desert. I thought that was very thoughtful especially because I wasn't expecting the food. I knew he'd stop by because he had said he would. I called him later to thank him for the great meal and he said ''it's the least I could do for my sick girl!"

Well with a wet towel over my head to keep down my soaring temperature, the only sane thing to do on thanksgiving is to thank God am still alive and maybe post this blog to keep my mind from hallucinating. If hell feels like this, then I don't want to go there!

2005-11-21T00:10:00.000-08:00

NO WONDER I'M STILL SINGLE!

After a couple of emails with ALV (average looking guy) I decided that may be it was time to meet.You know, to break the ice from the emails and phone calls. I wasn't feeling well (had a cold) but I thought I'd go and meet him and see what was in store for me.
I couldn't decide whether or not he was good looking. I liked that he was tall. I didn't like that he had a double chin and all the time he was talking to me I couldn't keep my eyes off his bulging stomach.

We talked about our different cultures and all the while I was hoping he wasn't a mind reader because what was going on in my mind was a war of mashed up thoughts that went something like this-

In his picture he didn't look this big... is that a double chin? Maybe I 'll find him attractive with time. Why are his jeans short? Ask him to take you home. Wait a minute did he just say he LIVED WITH HIS PARENTS!!!!??!!! For me that was the deal breaker. He made it worse when he said he wants do "things" with his life but his parents kept him on a leash. Readers I finally assesed the situation and I realised I had on my hands a mama's boy who still lived at home!

Every now and then I would chip in with a word or two while he was talking and at the end of this eternal date, he drove me to my house so he could see my portfolio. My blubber mouth had invited him at the beginning of the date assuming that all would go well. Ofcourse the fact that there was no attraction to him on my part made my head hurt even more. As we pulled up to my house I could not think of a better way to "uninvite" him so I pulled out my portfolio and we talked about my modeling job.

After what seemed like hours (even though it was only 30 minutes) of my head pounding and my throat sore from the beginning of what might be a bad cold, I told him I was going to head to bed. We hugged good bye and he hopped to see me again.

I don't know if we were on the same date. On my date things had not gone well and the only time I'd be seeing him again is if I accidentally run into him. Tonight I'm happy ..no "thrilled " . Thrilled to be single- knowing that I have the option of dating other people!

2005-11-17T12:30:00.000-08:00

Internet Freaks!

After sifting through what seems to be like tonnes of emails, I think I've narrowed it down to two prospective husbands -Ceteris paribus(all factors remaining constant)- who I'll communicate with or date and finally say I do to(as I write this I can't help but think "yeah right").

One of them is very good loking but has not answered any of my emails yet so chances of him being serious are close to naught in my book. The other is an average looking guy but with a big heart. I'm not sure how things will turn out in real life but he seems nice if I believe everything he has written.

I came to my decision to stop getting emails from "suitors" when I got an email from this guy who I'll politely call Idiot for protection of his real identity (though if you ask me, the aforementioned name would suit him just fine)! This was in answer to my terms of "not having sex with the person until I got married to you". Ofcourse this was another tactic to fend off those looking for a quickie or their next conquest.

IDIOT:
No I need a sample of you.no sample no sample no marry good luck in your search.Well I will pay you to have sex with you.

ME:
I would never marry you after this very email you freak! Did you say you'll pay to have sex with me? Are you insane? Just to let you know I am NOT a prostitute/whore....am NOT that desperate .Wow craigslist really does have weirdos! Good luck to you too.

IDIOT:
I didn't say it like that but I said I want to fuck you first. I'm will pay you for your time such as spoil you take you shopping go to eat you know not for sex. sorry you took it wrong. By the way just so you know what a big guy I am.

After getting the above email I didn't write back. I mean how do you reply to someone who insults you while giving you an apology? So I decided to let Fool..I mean Idiot, have the last word .
In retrospect I realise my experiment was whack, even dangerous but at the time I thought it would provide a few laughs (which it did) and maybe even find me Mr.Not-So-Right!
We're yet to see how that will unfold.

2005-11-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

Marriage Proposal!

Last night, I checked my inbox and there were no emails. I thought of putting an ad on Craigslist for people to read my blog and maybe I would get a few fans when an idea hit me. Here I was single, lonely when all i wanted was guy t love me and probably marry me if all went well so I thought why not put up an ad stating exactly what I want?

I posted it at midight . I generally wanted a U.S citizen to marry me, and in return we'd hopefully fall in love and live hapily ever after. I asked that the guys be disease free,drug free, good loooking, tall , not older than 34 and that their picture would get mine-slang for I'd send my picture after I got theirs.

I wasn't expecting that someone would actually write back and I thought that the few who would write would actually be making fun of me or calling me names. Instead I woke up to an inbox of ten new messages with several guys writing back and hoping that I would pick them! There was a very good looking guy who I emailed immediately. I couldn't help but wonder why he would want to be in such an arrangement.

I just thought I should share with you a couple of interesting emails I got. I also swear that all the information I'm about to reveal is true to the best of my knowledge!

1) Are you black or white?
My reply to this person was I'm Black but if that's an issue I'd understand. He didn't write back.

2)I'm 46 your pic gets mine.
I wrote back.What part of your picture gets mine don't you understand? You're also too old.

3)I'll marry you and stay married far as I am concerned. All I ask, and I am being serious here, is that for as long as we are married you will let me shave your head as often as I like.I am really turned on by bald chicks, check out http://www.haircut.net/ to get an idea of what I like. I have a great house in the burbs, good size boat, travel a lot. I can offer you a good life and a good start for yourself. I am 46, attractive, own my own business that has been doing only as long as it takes you to become a citizen. Its just a piece of paper as great for 20 years. I will supply you with as many wigs as you want if you think that is needed. Who knows where it will lead but at least we will both be getting what we need and you will be with a nice respectable person.
Hope you consider this proposition.
Charlie.

Aside from him being way older than me. I was scared he was a freak so didn't even reply.

4) I will give you $ 8000 for yoou to hang out in a hot tub with me. No sex involved. I like oral sex,.....
I don't even want to finish this post...But my answer was--Why don't you go pick up a girl at a bar or soomething. Are you hideous? I'm not a prostitute and would certainly not give oral sex to a stranger. He wrote back. I'll pay 2,000 for you to wear a bikini of my choice. I didn't write back.

Well those are just a few of the replies I got to my ad. Not only did the emails keep flowing in the whole day, but they also kept me busy and made me realise that despite stating exactly what you want, you're not going to necessarily get it.
I had stated exactly what I was looking for but had gotten either old, ugly or short men writing back. The one guy I actully liked from the whole bunch who sounded nice and interesting didn't write back.

I have refined the ad and hope that this time I'll get serious inquiries who'll meet my requirements.

2005-11-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

Friday Singles Night

I forgot to tell you what happened on the singles night because of being self involved. Well the music was great, the atmosphere was cozy the drinks were in plenty. Only one problem- four girls showed up, and three guys.

Despite the phone calls I'd gotten asking for directions, none of the guys who'd said they were coming actually turned up! We ended up having a great time but obviously made no connections... I felt sorry for my friends who'd thought they were going to meet their potential boyfriends here. This was on friday, before we all went to SAINT.

Me and my friends thought about how we can market it better next time.That night I decided that it will be a while before I go back to whiskey park and other night clubs. I really have outgrown these places!